Inner Conflict: Why It Happens and How to Find More Peace

Long story short:

Inner conflict happens when different parts of you want different things. It can feel both confusing and draining. Learning what causes inner conflict and referencing Freud’s id‑ego‑superego theory while journaling can help you witness opposing parts of the psyche in "observer mode" so you can move toward calm and clarity.

What Is Inner Conflict?

Inner conflict is a tug‑of‑war inside your mind. And we all experience it in some form or another.

One part of you wants one thing, and another part wants something else.

You might feel stuck, unsure, or even guilty no matter what you choose. It can feel like a vicious cycle that's impossible to break out of.

🔎 What Causes Inner Conflict?

There are many reasons you might feel pulled in two directions. Here are some broad themes that may show up in your daily life:

• Mixed values: Your body feels tired and wants to rest, but your mind wants to achieve work or fitness goals and keep pushing.
• Fear of judgment: You want to speak up, but you want people to like you and don't want to hurt others' feelings.
• Old beliefs: Childhood rules or family expectations clash with who you are today. You've evolved but feel trapped by past identities or social structures.
• Stress and change: Big decisions (like moving home or changing careers) stir up doubts of what the "right" thing to do is.

Examples of Inner Conflict

Have you noticed any patterns of what causes you to feel tense or conflicted? Here are a few common ones:

💼 Work Example

You are offered a promotion.

One part of you is excited for the pay raise and desires more respect or power.

Another part is afraid of not having enough free time for yourself or your family, feeling too stressed, or failing to meet the demands of the role.

❤️ Relationship Example

You care about someone deeply.

But you also want independence and have different wants/needs than they do. Should you prioritise yourself or them?

The push and pull creates tension and indecision.

🏥 Health Example

You want to eat better and exercise. It seems like the right thing to do.

At the same time, you crave comfort foods and relaxation after a long day.

The two desires collide. There is the potential for anger if you ignore the pull to relax and eat comfort food. There is the potential for guilt or shame if you ignore the push to exercise and eat healthy food.

🌈 Identity Example

You want to follow your own dreams.

But you feel pressure to follow family or cultural expectations, and may receive criticism for being "selfish" if you meet your own needs.

This can create long‑term stress and doubt.

How to Resolve Inner Conflict

Inner conflict does not mean something is wrong with you. It simply shows there are different needs inside you.

If anything, inner conflict is a central part of the human experience. We have the ability to process a lot of information and experience thousands of thoughts/impulses a day.

Learning to witness those parts instead of fighting them can bring a greater sense of self-understanding, forgiveness, and peace.

🧠 Freud’s Theory: Id, Ego, Superego

Freud’s model is a helpful way to understand inner conflict:

• Id: The most primal part of us. Wants comfort, pleasure, and safety right now.
• Superego: Holds moral rules, ideals, and “shoulds.”
• Ego: Mediates between the two, making choices based on reality.

When these parts of the psyche clash, you may feel torn.

Instead of judging yourself, you can learn to listen to each part, as they each have something valuable to share.

✏️ Journaling to Witness the Conflict

Journaling helps you step back and “witness” the battle instead of getting swept away.

Try this:

1. Pick one theme. Write it at the top of your page. For example, your career or romantic relationship.
2. Id voice: Write what you really want right now, if there were no limits or external pressures.
3. Superego voice: Write what you think you should do to make yourself acceptable to your family or society in general.
4. Ego voice: Write what feels balanced or a compromise between the two.

Seeing the voices side by side helps you notice that inner tension is normal.
It creates space between you and the storm.

🛠️ More Tips to Work Through Inner Conflict

1. Name the Feelings
Say out loud: “I feel torn between X and Y.” Naming it helps your brain calm down.

2. Slow Down Before Acting
Take a breath. Give yourself time to see all sides. Quick decisions can feed regret.

3. Talk to Someone You Trust
Sharing your conflict with a friend or therapist can bring new insight if it feels too much to work through on your own.

4. Use Gentle Self‑Talk
Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” ask “What do I need right now?”
Self‑compassion reduces shame and tension.

5. Revisit Your Values
Write down what matters most to you.
When choices line up with your values, the inner storm calms.

Sample Journaling Prompts for Inner Conflict

• “What does my id want right now?”
• “What does my superego think I should do?”
• “What would my ego choose if both sides mattered?”
• “If my best friend felt this, what would I tell them?”
• “What small step can I take that feels kind and wise?”

💬 Real Voices About Inner Conflict

Hearing others face similar struggles can make you feel less alone.

Here are a couple of posts I found on Reddit point to inner conflicts:

“I don't know why but for some reason if I try to take days off, I somehow feel bad like I'm not being productive. Normally I end up either working, doing continuing education, or fixing things/taking classes when I have truly free time. I don't feel the same way when I'm out with friends / with my parents, but if I'm alone I cannot sit and "relax".” — Reddit user, r/Adulting

“For as long as I can remember I've always been to scared to do things because of the fear of what other people may think. I know I shouldn't but I just can't help it.” — Reddit user, r/socialskills

The Power of Awareness

Inner conflict often feels scary because we think we must “fix” it right away.
But when you witness it (listening to what each voice has to say without reacting strongly to it) the conflict can settle down.

Then you can decide what to do with more clarity and less self‑blame.

✅ Final Thoughts

Inner conflict is a normal part of being human.

Different parts of you want different things (all the darn time!) and that’s okay.

By exploring what causes it, learning from examples, and using tools like Freud’s id‑ego‑superego journaling, you can step back from the chaos and make choices that bring you peace.

Written by Declan Davey - Health Writer & Psychological Therapist